Kamis, 29 Maret 2012

those lovely time.

i dont have any other story to pour in. cause everything seems so empty without him.
he's unique though.

i feeel so much like a fool who still couldnt get out of him. whereas he simply got up.
okaaay theres billion guy out there but no one could compared him, i still and always remember the way he
treated me in the past. sometimes, i wish he can treat me again but time said no, i couldnt do anythingggg.

alright he's with another perfect girl right now. hanging out together, taking pictures, talking, laugh , doing some things that i never ever could do those things with him. she's so lucky.

hey i know even he wasnt my boyfffffffuck, i do know how he treat a girl, he doing that perfectly.
i surely admit that im jealouss, okay she either.
looking at his pic on facebook, just same as look at a pair of clowns.
am i so rude? what so eveeeer, im just tellin the truth.

flashback. why the fuq can i easily let him go? how could i forgot him for 7 years?
im just an immature lil kid, i didnt know anything about love, but it affects on me right now, when
i know what love is, when i know what the meaning of it.
fuq no im not a drama queen or geroooz. dont judge me, you'll said the same things ive said if youre in my position.

you know what? this is one of the tricky things that happened in my teenagers year.

no one could see it, even my bestfriend. 

if i know what love is, its because of you. youre the first guy i liked, loved and hated.
you treated like im your one and only daughter.
you're the first guy who gave me that little ' love necklace' that mean so much to me altought i lost it:(
you're the first guy who stalked me to everywhere i go.
you're the first guy who hold my hand.
you're the first guy who washed my scars when i falled.
you're the first guy who got jealous when i walked together with my guy friend 'willy :')'
you're the first guy who sat next to me and gave me a special eraser and pen:'
you're the first guy who i get jealous with. ya knw? when tht sneaky new girl in school tried to took you away? i was mad :'D
you're the first guy who hide in bushes with your friend and spied me<3
you're the first guy who made me feel like im a special girl in the world.
you're the first guy who act stupid in front of me.
you're the first guy who called me with sweet name ''dora'' and i called you ''cina botak''
you're the first guy that i pursued till i falled and and got my gym shorts torned.
you're the first guy i sent letter with.
you're the first guy who made everything special and i got my spirit everyday to school.
you're the first guy who challenged me to got the first rank and i felt like i could beat you but haha you won and i got the third place :') we've worked for it.
you're the first guy who treated me right and you act like you wont something bad happen to me.
you're the first guy who i played hide and seek with.
you're the first guy who have that cute smile who made me feel like im so in heaveeeeeen.
you're the first guy who made me cried for the first time because youre gone and i lost you.
you're the first guy who always stuck in my head right now.

thankss, althought i couldnt own you. atleast i ever felt how ist feel when im with you
but you know? i hope time turn back and let those special time happen again.
i miss myself when im with you. i feel so like being I AM.

its probably never happen again. just let you know one thing, i couldnt move on even i tried for billion times.
you did it simply? its okay, im glad.

um other things:
vous ne serez jamais remplacé, vous êtes le premier mec qui a pensé comment ça fait d'être en amour avec quelqu'un, je suis tellement reconnaissante. la paix :)

Kamis, 12 Januari 2012


i hate it.

but there's a thing i hate the most. DECISION. fuck
i hate it lots, i never can make a great decision.... in everythings.
i always feel so unlucky, even some people keep saying to me about ' proud to be yourself'
well i listen 'em but i was never slightest proud to be myself.
i hate how the movies i watched have a perfect endings, well dont take it seriously
i just DISLIKE it, because they just aired a show that.....doesnt make sense!
give a hope to the people who feeling hopeless, and as if to say 'ITS EASY TO LIVE'

believe it or no ( lol who cares? no one.)
everytime i watched movies about a perfect life and beautiful endings, thoughts about my life randomly came and my tears start to falling down...cause my life is totally the opposite of it.. so damp huh?

maybe thats just me?
yap one of unlucky girl on earth.
always surrounded by decision, complicated problems, life problems.
never feels so whispy or easy for me to live it. 

boy, no i dont want to think about it, cause its just freakin me out.
give me hopes, loving me and gone. 
is that wht boys usually do? like seriouly or ist just me?
all i need is just a friend. a guy friend.
i dont feel like 'HELLO IM FOREVER ALONEE, IM SINGLEE' ew sucks.
i enjoyed it as long as i can breathe.

i dont want to kill myself just because aboy that left me alone? sounds so sad? poor me.
well i just posted something on my facebook and so glad i got some response from people...
gave me spirit, making me strong. hw about him? HAHAHAHA ofcourse he will never care.
he's not a real man.

and its from my friend in bangkok:

''Hey,i don't even know if you post is real, but Please don't kill yourself! Your Young, you have a beautiful life ahead of you! And i know life has Ups and Downs! But I promise everything will get better! If you actually do it, all your problems are gonna be gone, but just imagine if your parent comes in your room to tell you that dinner is ready, they will see you lying on the floor or maybe covered up in blood, and they will always ask themself if it was their fault, and it will affect every person you know or in your school! I know life is hard! But please DONT! I'll always be here if you want to talk! 
"Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, then it's not the end" 
xxx Please Stay Strong!''

thankyou so much, you know im happy, im just abit stressed tonight, dont know what i was thinking. blame problems <3

but for now i hate to be me, i hate being like this, i hate to have some complicated people around, i hate to make a decision, i hate it. i hate you.

Toodles, xoxo.

Rabu, 11 Januari 2012

Dramatic. worst . pathetic. LOVE

i meant every time i think about him... that sneaky chinese guy.

like seriously, ive promised to myself to get him out from my mind but..
it doesnt work at all.
sometimes when i think about 'forgetting' thing, all of the sweet memories i ever had with him
come randomly..
it made everything  more hard...
pleasee.. if there's a way that i can completely forgot him and i need to do some crazy things for it,

cause its getting hurt all the times (ist too much? -_-)

well, why the fuck i cant accept him (not tht sneaky chinese guy) for who he is.
I DUMPED THE GUY WHO LOVE ME? oh my.....thats the worst idea i ever thought....and did.
he's a gorgeous geek!:3

kay lets change the topic, im not talking about that chinese guy.....
imma change this guy's named with ' alex '

how his eyes falls into my eyes....
how his smile gave me a spirit.....
how his laugh sounds like music...
how his lips always show that he's happy...
how the way he sing can made my ear wont stop to hear it again and again.........

i cant believe that i dumped these all. i like him, i like his jokes, i like how he is around me.
i like how he being the way he is, i like how his eyes surreptitiously starring at me!:3

when we both passed, i dont know why i cant smile.. i just..starring at your eyes.
and you're about to smile but then u saw my strange face starring at you and you laugh....
I laugh.

i still remember when we first met, the sunlight touched your face (sounds too much? but its real, swear up).
some of people think you're a geek, because u dont really like to hang out with others and u choose to shut up
and speaking as needed. gerrrrrooozz (sarah hyland's voice) but i think u re awesomely gorgeous geek! :3
you're different, not like some fuckin guy around you.

You knw what? ive watched a lots of movie with happy endings, sometimes i thought why mine not?
itsnt fair? hell yeah. all i want is my love life like a movies which had a happy endings although they have to faced some problems but they through it all.

one of them is geek charming, i absolutely love this movie. i dont have any words to describe how awesome this movie are, you have to watch it by urself. i love matt prokop and sarah hyland lots, they're a real couple.

two of them is Beastly, yeah love is never ugly. love for who they are, inside and outside. dont think about how gorgeous he is, how popular he is, how ugly he is, how rich he is, think about what makes you comfort with him around.

well, im still on my way for loving you... i dont want to be 2 faced or seems like screw you up no...
i'll always try to be honest all the time,

i dont want you get hurt, cause it'll hurt me lots.
anyway there's a guy from other school kinda like me -_- he's tall and white
and i admit that he's gorgeous. idk i dont want to dumped 'him' for the second time.
i should think more than twiceeeeeeeeee, but that guy keep texting me and i found him around my school.
stranger's smile.......hm whatever.

you..yeah you chinese guy, if you read this asdsasdhgadgaksdll i hope u understand and you have to be more
more carefull around the girls because even they're strong, they absolutely have the weakest side, cause they're a GIRL.

you alex, i just wanna say. I'M SORRY, i never mean to.


Sabtu, 07 Januari 2012

New year's eve!


finally its new yeaar!!
just celebrated it with my big family and it was so fun!
guess what? i clearly forgot him even sometimes 'somethings' still remind me of him.
like a pen he gave to me.....
but i still hope we both can meet, noooooo... it doesnt mean i still love him.
just miss him.....

well lets change the topic

so there's some pictures of me and my friend! had a very fun time with her!

Jumat, 30 Desember 2011

I screw u, boy.


yell yeah confused.. know what?
the boy i ever loved kindaa......hate me? i meant hate us.
whether ist not upside down? seriously, the one who shouldly is me.... and her.
but we dont take it seriously haha, we enjoyed it.
we enjoyed it.. kinda cruel words huh? HELL YEAAAAAAAAAH.
cause we dont throw so much hate to him, what we throw to him is..
FAD! BAHAHAHA. we got lots of fun ya knowwww.
watching he mad not gentlely, posting some status about us and he not even faced the problem.
like.. he should text us about the problem and resolve it. thats called 'a guy' ryt? he's completely not.

the way he text me become so rude, oh heey dude you're a GUY, you dont supposed to be like that.
im the one who should..i meant we're the one who should.

these words always crossing my mind ''why the heck should i knew you....again?''
BUTT, if i didnt know him for the second time, i wouldnt knew his real character look like.
and i wouldnt knew her, she helps a lots.

should i find another guy? oh bitch shut up, i found one. before him.
i left him because of that 'GAY'. he loved me, and ever shooted me but i ignore him because of that 'GAY'
what the heck i was thinking!!!!
i left the one who love me? i know i know...crazy.

he compliment me everyday, we're meet everyday.
he smiled at me, he laughs, and know what? HE SINGING FOR MEEEEEE.
his voice, spazzing me out but that 'gay' ruined everything,
dang, im so stupid. he's so perfect and i left him cause of an unperfect GAY... GAY... okay too much.

fuckin regret, so glad that he not even mad at me and..
he still said lots sweets words for me <3 awwwhhh...
not like that 'gay' kay imma change it with 'guy'.
not like that 'guy'.. he said sweet things to me and to her. weeee got hurt, asshole.

okay i conclude that, he's not the best. he's not everything, he's my nothing :3 awwh sweet ryt? :]
noo...  none of boy i loved are my everything. they're anything,
and my family are everything.

u racist bastard boy, i screw u nigga.

TOODLES xoxo:]

Rabu, 28 Desember 2011


23dec, thats the day when he sent me a relationship request on facebook and asked me
to accept it or not. but the strange feeling i got is, im not even happy. and on that day i felt so lazy to text him back.. guess the feeling was faded. felt so relieved :)
i think about it more than twice but in the next day he canceled the request.
i was like, whatever, he not really mean it.

then we're texting and ended up with fight.
'You'll be his second choice'' those words running around my mind.
i dont know what i was thinking, suddenly, i deleted his phone number with no reason.
confused... where else should i find his number again.

i have no more idea, i decided to ask her abt his number.
in the next day she replied nicely. and i said 'thanks'
not long afterward, she ask me something and we're started to swapping our stories.
its getting funny and so interesting. all i can said is 'wooow really? he said that to you too?'
and ended up with my loudest laugh HAHAHA.

some of the annoying things about her that i ever thought, completely wrong.
she's a nice person, and you know what? WE'RE FRIEND NOWWW. unbelievable ryt? :3

after a very very long conversation story, we decided to tweet something to nudge him.....
theeeen he retweeted our tweets and start to tweet something about us....hahahaha he said some rude words for us -______- not fuckin gentle.

we both chose to text him. know what? WE BOTH WORK TOGETHER to tease him.
its getting funny  seriously, she's so extremely fun! :3
HE GET MAD. lol i never felt like this, b4 i was like.....
well, i replied his messages and love him, we both love him.

so happy to know that she actually care about me, and afraid that he will hurt me 'again'
me either! i knew that he loved her so much, but i wont let it happen, no no im not jellyyy -_-
i dont want she get hurt anymore, not anymore..

dont know how much teardrops we spent for him, well nowww not anymore babeeeeh :]

feel so free! glad to knew that we're friend now and not gettin jelly eachother!

thank you so much! you're such an angel!! :3