Kamis, 12 Januari 2012


i hate it.

but there's a thing i hate the most. DECISION. fuck
i hate it lots, i never can make a great decision.... in everythings.
i always feel so unlucky, even some people keep saying to me about ' proud to be yourself'
well i listen 'em but i was never slightest proud to be myself.
i hate how the movies i watched have a perfect endings, well dont take it seriously
i just DISLIKE it, because they just aired a show that.....doesnt make sense!
give a hope to the people who feeling hopeless, and as if to say 'ITS EASY TO LIVE'

believe it or no ( lol who cares? no one.)
everytime i watched movies about a perfect life and beautiful endings, thoughts about my life randomly came and my tears start to falling down...cause my life is totally the opposite of it.. so damp huh?

maybe thats just me?
yap one of unlucky girl on earth.
always surrounded by decision, complicated problems, life problems.
never feels so whispy or easy for me to live it. 

boy, no i dont want to think about it, cause its just freakin me out.
give me hopes, loving me and gone. 
is that wht boys usually do? like seriouly or ist just me?
all i need is just a friend. a guy friend.
i dont feel like 'HELLO IM FOREVER ALONEE, IM SINGLEE' ew sucks.
i enjoyed it as long as i can breathe.

i dont want to kill myself just because aboy that left me alone? sounds so sad? poor me.
well i just posted something on my facebook and so glad i got some response from people...
gave me spirit, making me strong. hw about him? HAHAHAHA ofcourse he will never care.
he's not a real man.

and its from my friend in bangkok:

''Hey,i don't even know if you post is real, but Please don't kill yourself! Your Young, you have a beautiful life ahead of you! And i know life has Ups and Downs! But I promise everything will get better! If you actually do it, all your problems are gonna be gone, but just imagine if your parent comes in your room to tell you that dinner is ready, they will see you lying on the floor or maybe covered up in blood, and they will always ask themself if it was their fault, and it will affect every person you know or in your school! I know life is hard! But please DONT! I'll always be here if you want to talk! 
"Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, then it's not the end" 
xxx Please Stay Strong!''

thankyou so much, you know im happy, im just abit stressed tonight, dont know what i was thinking. blame problems <3

but for now i hate to be me, i hate being like this, i hate to have some complicated people around, i hate to make a decision, i hate it. i hate you.

Toodles, xoxo.

Rabu, 11 Januari 2012

Dramatic. worst . pathetic. LOVE

i meant every time i think about him... that sneaky chinese guy.

like seriously, ive promised to myself to get him out from my mind but..
it doesnt work at all.
sometimes when i think about 'forgetting' thing, all of the sweet memories i ever had with him
come randomly..
it made everything  more hard...
pleasee.. if there's a way that i can completely forgot him and i need to do some crazy things for it,

cause its getting hurt all the times (ist too much? -_-)

well, why the fuck i cant accept him (not tht sneaky chinese guy) for who he is.
I DUMPED THE GUY WHO LOVE ME? oh my.....thats the worst idea i ever thought....and did.
he's a gorgeous geek!:3

kay lets change the topic, im not talking about that chinese guy.....
imma change this guy's named with ' alex '

how his eyes falls into my eyes....
how his smile gave me a spirit.....
how his laugh sounds like music...
how his lips always show that he's happy...
how the way he sing can made my ear wont stop to hear it again and again.........

i cant believe that i dumped these all. i like him, i like his jokes, i like how he is around me.
i like how he being the way he is, i like how his eyes surreptitiously starring at me!:3

when we both passed, i dont know why i cant smile.. i just..starring at your eyes.
and you're about to smile but then u saw my strange face starring at you and you laugh....
I laugh.

i still remember when we first met, the sunlight touched your face (sounds too much? but its real, swear up).
some of people think you're a geek, because u dont really like to hang out with others and u choose to shut up
and speaking as needed. gerrrrrooozz (sarah hyland's voice) but i think u re awesomely gorgeous geek! :3
you're different, not like some fuckin guy around you.

You knw what? ive watched a lots of movie with happy endings, sometimes i thought why mine not?
itsnt fair? hell yeah. all i want is my love life like a movies which had a happy endings although they have to faced some problems but they through it all.

one of them is geek charming, i absolutely love this movie. i dont have any words to describe how awesome this movie are, you have to watch it by urself. i love matt prokop and sarah hyland lots, they're a real couple.

two of them is Beastly, yeah love is never ugly. love for who they are, inside and outside. dont think about how gorgeous he is, how popular he is, how ugly he is, how rich he is, think about what makes you comfort with him around.

well, im still on my way for loving you... i dont want to be 2 faced or seems like screw you up no...
i'll always try to be honest all the time,

i dont want you get hurt, cause it'll hurt me lots.
anyway there's a guy from other school kinda like me -_- he's tall and white
and i admit that he's gorgeous. idk i dont want to dumped 'him' for the second time.
i should think more than twiceeeeeeeeee, but that guy keep texting me and i found him around my school.
stranger's smile.......hm whatever.

you..yeah you chinese guy, if you read this asdsasdhgadgaksdll i hope u understand and you have to be more
more carefull around the girls because even they're strong, they absolutely have the weakest side, cause they're a GIRL.

you alex, i just wanna say. I'M SORRY, i never mean to.


Sabtu, 07 Januari 2012

New year's eve!


finally its new yeaar!!
just celebrated it with my big family and it was so fun!
guess what? i clearly forgot him even sometimes 'somethings' still remind me of him.
like a pen he gave to me.....
but i still hope we both can meet, noooooo... it doesnt mean i still love him.
just miss him.....

well lets change the topic

so there's some pictures of me and my friend! had a very fun time with her!